La Petite Mort

I was (probably too) young the first time I saw The Shining. Not that I’m complaining. Movie night was a regular event when I was growing up and there were practically no restrictions on what I was allowed to watch. In fact, I was only banned from watching Silence of the Lambs and Deliverance. Just those two. The reason was hard for me to grasp as a kid, but I assumed it had to do with the sexual nature of the horror of both movies. Though I was allowed to watch Pulp Fiction, so I’m not sure why Deliverance was banned? (I still haven’t seen it to be able to make a judgment.) And the truth is, the relationship between sex and horror was fascinating to me, even then as a kid. Even though I was too young to fully understand either concept separately, much less understand how and why they were so often represented together in the stories I consumed, I was completely fascinated by the mystery of it all. So it is no surprise that the scene in room 237 in The Shining made a huge impression on child me. I was totally uncomfortable, totally confused, and totally hypnotized by the feelings this scene evoked in me. I have always been drawn to art that goes beyond the visual and reaches into your soul to provoke emotions, and this movie is full of emotional provocation.

Here is a quick refresher, if needed. Death sends Jack into room 237. Wendy frantically tells him about a woman who tried to strangle Danny. When Jack arrives he finds only a beautiful naked woman in the bathtub. She stands up and moves slowly to the center of the room where she stands still as a statue, drawing Jack in like a magnet. Like a predator waiting for the moment to attack. As he closes the distance and kisses her, the camera pans back and we see she has transformed into a mottled waterlogged corpse. He backs away horrified as she now starts walking at him, laughing, arms out, finally animated in death.

I had no idea what any of this meant as a kid. I could not even begin to comprehend the symbolism behind it. I had to grow up and experience more and consume more to finally start to unravel the mystery behind the scene. The pattern I see in story after story is that sex is life affirming and therefore offered as the antidote to death. There are the obvious procreation implications of course, but even if you are not having sex to create life, the raw physicality of sex and orgasm is an excellent reminder that you are, in fact, alive and is enough to temporarily wipe out any other thoughts or fears. Even the fear of death. These days I think the room 237 scene is speaking directly to that power dynamic. Jack goes in to confront death, not because he wants to, but because he has to. And so the reaper greets him in the guise of a beautiful naked woman. A temporary distraction hiding the inevitability of death.

I can’t help but draw a parallel to Moonstruck. Odd, sure, since it is definitely not a horror movie. Even so, death is constantly in the background. It starts with leading lady Loretta walking into a funeral home where she keeps the books…and at about 20 minutes in I stopped making notes on the death references because there were just too many. The movie weaves together drama and comedy and explores the relationship between death and sex.

Loretta’s father Cosmo is having an affair and his wife Rose knows it. But she doesn’t just want to confront the problem, she wants to understand it. Her theory is that men chase women because they fear death. And after a couple of conversations with various men in her life her theory is validated. So when Cosmo comes home late one night she tells him, so very directly, that no matter what he is going to die. He thanks her for the blunt observation. And then that’s it! We never learn if this has any effect on the cheating situation or not, but I do think she is on the right track. Whether or not she is correct that men chase women because they fear death, she recognizes the cheating is only a symptom of a separate issue. And she also recognizes there is a clear power in facing your demons directly. Once the monster is seen up close and personal it is never as scary as the bits and pieces glimpsed in the dark fleeting seconds in the movie theater of the mind. But you can’t just acknowledge your demons once and have them magically disappear. You have to confront them regularly. Have tea with your demons, as the Buddhist tradition recommends. So while we don’t get to see how this approach plays out over time, I definitely think that it could actually have a happy ending. And I especially appreciate the level headed and constructive response to cheating as opposed to the absurdity that is usually represented in the various media.

So I invite you to call on this example in your own life whenever possible. Take a moment to consider that maybe others poor choices are less about malice and more about being driven by unconscious fear. Or even just ignorance or pure stupidity, if you like Hanlon’s razor better. The point is, if we could all be a little more helpful and understanding instead of taking everything so personal, the world could be a kinder place. Now I want to know what you think. Reframing the question to be more inclusive, does one person chase another sexually because they fear death? Or do you think it's something else entirely? Or have you drawn a parallel to another story about sex and death? Let me know in the comments below, by email, or even on my Instagram!